Good Enough

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough?  Like you’re always missing something?  Like no matter what you do or how hard you try, you still don’t measure up to the standard? Well, I just had a conversation with a friend that I hold very dear, and it was meant to be an honest and open conversation, but during and even hours after the discussion, I feel like I am not good enough.  I am about to graduate college in three weeks, I am doing a paid internship at a company that offered me a full-time job, I am a gymnastics head coach, I live by myself in an apartment and go to church regularly.  I attend church/church activities at least three times a week.  Now, I am not saying all of this to get credit or a pat on the back. I am saying this to set up exactly how my life is right now.  Looking over my life, I thought that I was doing pretty well.  Like I have my stuff together.  But after talking to this person, I feel like I am not doing anything worthwhile in this world.  Heading up all of the marketing at a company doesn’t seem to be good enough and it hurts.  I am not sure where this post is going, to be honest.  I am sitting here frustrated and hurt and not sure what to do, so I decided to blog.  This morning during my quiet time, it talked about the value of a person. It used this example of a $100 bill.  Regardless of what a bill goes through, it is still worth the full $100 because that is the value that the government put on it.  Same goes for me.

I am still valuable and worth it in God’s eyes because of the value that He has put on my life (the life of His Son).

Regardless of what I have been through, I am still valuable and worth it in God’s eyes because of the value that He has put on my life (the life of His Son).  Knowing this, it is still tough to cheer up and know that I am loved because of what Christ did for me.  However, I must lean on God’s promises and His Word because that is all I have right now.  Learning to see myself through God’s eyes and to value myself the way He does it the toughest thing for me.  I grew up getting beat down.  From being in upper-level competitive gymnastics to attending a private school and being valedictorian at a private Christian school, I have grown up with criticism.  I am an only child for crying out loud.  But, using that criticism to help me and not harm me is a tough one.  I have been working and doing my best to prioritize and to have the most productive days possible.  Yet, all that I do is not enough.  I am feeling very discouraged.  I have also been searching for my ultimate calling in life and to no avail.  It has been tough to watch my friends find their places in life and find their calling.  It’s not that I am not happy for them.  It’s just that I feel like I am sitting on the bench waiting to be put into the game.  I have no problem waiting for my time, but keeping my head up is tough for such an extended period of waiting.  I know the Lord is teaching me trust and patience.  I remember watching the movie Evan Almighty.  In one of the scenes, the mom was talking to Morgan Freeman, who played God in the film.  He asked her a question that has resonated with me ever since, “If a person prays for patience, do you think God zaps them with patience or gives them the opportunity to be patient?  If a person asks for love, do you think God zaps them with love or gives them the opportunity to love?  If a person asks for the ability to trust, do you think God zaps them with trust or gives them the opportunity to trust Him?”  Praying these types of prayers can be “dangerous” because God will answer these prayers.  He is not afraid to stretch us and challenge to grow us.  Growing can be difficult and painful, but once the process is over, you don’t ever want to go back, and you are grateful for the obstacles.  You come out stronger and better.  So I guess that what I am trying to say is that it is difficult to wait, and it is difficult to grow, but the process and growing pains will pay off in the long run.  Just keep being patient.